


Do-Over

by Anonymous



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Background Het, F/M, Female Friendship, Post-Movie: Star Trek Nemesis (2002)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:30:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tasha Yar comes through the looking glass.





	Do-Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertVixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertVixen/gifts).



> Warning: Mentions deaths of mirrorverse versions of canon characters.
> 
> Dear DesertVixen, I loved all your prompts and I hope I did them justice!

In a galaxy with a billion worlds, one in a million chances came up nine times out of ten. Beverly tried not to believe in miracles or rely on luck. Trusting to either meant a quick, sharp lesson in reality. Scientific progress and new discovery were both best made by planning and work and putting her trust into information.

Data's new twin, the one who stared at them with eyes that almost made her hope, he was no miracle. B-4 was simply another of Dr. Soong's madcap inventions. Perhaps Data had downloaded part of himself into the new android's positronic brain, and perhaps they all had a case of wishful thinking.

It was the same, the exact same, with the woman in Sickbay now. Beverly had scanned her, examined her, and performed every possible test she could on the unconscious form sleeping on the biobed. This was no half-Romulan daughter, and as much as Beverly scraped through the genome, this was no clone with her tell-tale decaying telomeres. She'd come through some sort of rift in space-time that Worf said he'd encountered before with his team on Bajor.

Another universe, he'd said. A mirror. And through the looking glass, their lost princess had returned to them, asleep now in a dreamless coma from vacuum exposure and cold.

"It's not her," Beverly said to Jean-Luc when she noted his pleading stare. "We both know that."

He inclined his head. "I know."

They watched as the nurse fussed at the unconscious patient, though there was little to do now except to wait. 

***

She woke suddenly, heart pounding and covered with a sheet that startled her as much as the clean lines around her. Tasha rolled, catching her feet on the carpeted deck, head swiveling as figures approached.

Instinct kicked in, even before she was fully awake. This one had the pointed ears of a Romulan or Vulcan, and she wasn't about to ask which before she dove for the man's legs. The trick was to unbalance them; either could overpower a human easily.

Her first assailant went down with an "Oof!" Her second carried a hypospray and a calming smile.

"It's all right," she said. "You're safe."

Tasha relaxed her shoulders. The woman, possibly human, let her guard down as she stepped closer, enough for Tasha's hand to dart out and shove her elbow, forcing her to drop the hypospray.

Tasha grabbed it first, pressing it against her neck. "Where am I being held? Talk now or you're getting your own poison."

"It's a sedative," said the woman, scared but trying to stay calm. "You aren't a prisoner. You're a patient."

"Let her go," said another voice. An impossible voice.

Tasha turned and stared. Beverly stood in the doorway to the room. Like she was still alive.

The trembling started in her knees. Tasha remembered her last fight, remembered the horrifying light. She must have died in the blast, and this was some strange afterlife.

"Beverly?" she breathed. 

Beverly froze. "You know who I am?" Tasha nodded. "Then you know you can trust me. Let Nurse Adeyemi go."

Tasha released her hold on the woman. Nurse? "Sorry," she said to the nurse.

"Doctor?" Adeyemi said, looking at Beverly.

"She's fine."

The nurse glanced at Tasha in disbelief but stepped aside. "I'll take that." Tasha gave her the hypospray with some reluctance. This could be a trick.

Beverly stepped closer as Adeyemi moved to help her fallen colleague. "Is your name Tasha Yar?"

"Of course," Tasha said with some annoyance. "And you're Beverly Howard." Her voice caught as she said, "I watched you die five years ago. I don't understand any of this. Are you a clone? Is this some trick?" She took in a shuddering breath, fear threatening her again.

Beverly stepped closer. "There is a mirror universe to this one. In our universe, our Tasha Yar died several years ago."

Her face spoke truth and also grief, the latter of which Tasha knew too well herself. Beverly had been only one of too many losses. "Mirror?"

"Broken mirror. Worf said your universe is pretty hard for humans."

"You could say that. I take it in your universe, the humans are in charge?"

"No. We work together with every sentient species we encounter. "

Tasha stared at her, waiting for the joke. Beverly had always had a wicked sense of humor. A sudden dizziness struck her. Beverly rushed to her, taking hold of Tasha as she collapsed, suddenly weak as a kitten.

"Let's get you back to bed. You need more rest. You were exposed in space for over a minute when you came over to our universe. You haven't recovered yet."

Tasha let Beverly lead her back to the biobed. Her knees wobbled as she was helped into the bed. "How did I get here?"

"Worf wasn't sure. Geordi and his team have been analyzing the sensor readings from when you arrived. We'll find out."

She gripped Beverly's hand. "Swear to me you won't send me back."

Beverly squeezed her hand, that same grief on her face. "I swear." 

***

"She's going to need time," she told Jean-Luc.

"She can take as much time as she wants. I've explained the situation to Starfleet. They don't like it but they have other issues." 

Helping Cardassia to rebuild was taking far more resources than the Federation had initially bargained for, and the old rivalries with familiar old adversaries were creaking at the edges. Everyone wanted a piece of New Cardassia. This was why Beverly stayed far away from politics. She could keep her patient. One refugee from a parallel universe who wasn't trying to take over this one was not their problem. 

"I'm waiting to introduce Will and Deanna. She didn't know their names when I brought them up."

"Nor mine. But she knows you and she's met Geordi previously. I imagine there's no chance she knew Mr. Worf or Data."

"No. And in her universe, her sister died when they were children. She only has us, and she barely knows us."

"Then we will have to be enough. You will. You were her friend before, in both worlds. Be her friend now."

Beverly smiled at him, with a mixture of fondness and amusement that Jean-Luc thought he had to tell her. "Already on it."

***

Tasha had been aboard ships before, but nothing like this. Humans were transported like livestock, crowded into dark, barely insulated haulage freighters to the next system that needed workers. She'd toiled in a mine on Deneb 4, and she'd escaped from another on Agaron. She'd met Beverly then, her Beverly, working as a medic to aid the human resistance fighters.

This Beverly showed her wide corridors and gorgeous views streaking by, which anyone could look at.

A Vulcan and a Bajoran walked together past them. Tasha waited until they were out of sight. "Everyone works together? Everyone gets along?"

"Not all the time," Beverly said. "We've been at war. The conflict is over, but there are still hard feelings."

"No one is enslaved."

"No."

"Then it's paradise." 

***

This Tasha was as guarded as the woman Beverly used to know, but for different reasons and on different subjects. It took days for her to understand that she had free access to the replicator and could eat as much or as little as she chose of anything she wanted. Beverly's heart lifted to watch Tasha tear through a plate of succulent fruits, and hurt to think she'd spent her life in places where she'd never had enough to eat.

They shared stories of their fallen twins. Beverly gave the kindest version she could of her Tasha Yar's life. In turn, she listened to tales about a woman who'd never met Jack Crusher, who'd given her entire life over to aiding the human resistance, had in fact given her life to the cause. Tasha was reticent to share why, and Beverly didn't push. She found it painful to think about her own friend's death and assumed it was a difficult subject for Tasha as well, atop all her other losses. "I think I would have liked to have met her."

"She'd have liked you. She always wanted to be a full doctor, but it's hard for humans to get into school. Was hard," she added, looking around herself with a disbelieving wonder.

Her expression changed. Beverly followed her glance to see Jean-Luc enter the lounge. He paused, the way he always did. This wasn't the same Ten Forward that Guinan had overseen on their old ship for so many years, and Guinan herself had gone back to traveling the stars. "Wars are hard," she'd said with hugs around. "People need someone to listen to them after." Jean-Luc had watched her go, and still he hesitated every time he came into this place that should have been hers, would be hers if she ever chose to come back.

His glance found their table and he came closer. Beverly noted the sudden worry on Tasha's face. Perhaps he did, too, as he stopped a few paces away. "Dr. Crusher, I see your patient is improving steadily. I wanted to pay my respects and say hello."

"Of course," Beverly said, keeping an eye on her. Tasha wasn't frightened. In fact, she glanced back to Beverly curiously. "Tasha Yar, may I introduce Captain Jean-Luc Picard. He commands this ship."

Tasha burst out in a laugh. "You're a starship captain?"

Beverly met Jean-Luc's eyes. He came to their table. "You're not the first person to laugh out loud at that," he said with a smile. "Although usually it's someone who knew me better when I was younger. I take it we've met before in your universe?"

"A few times. I never knew your real name." She looked at Beverly. "You two work together?"

"For several years. We've been friends for decades." Saying it that way made her feel old. "If I'd known you knew him, I'd have introduced you days ago." Tasha bloomed when she was around familiar faces. Geordi came to visit twice a day, and she always ended their conversations with a smile.

"I knew you more by reputation." She paused, and added, "Sir."

"You're not a member of my crew. You don't need to stand on any formality."

"Did you know the other Tasha Yar?"

The same sad look that had crossed his face when she was first brought aboard re-emerged. "Yes. She was a fine officer, and a good friend."

"Everyone liked her," Beverly said. "I told you."

"I'm not her. I have to remind myself that you're not the people I knew, either. I wish they were here. I wish they could see how beautiful the galaxy could have been." Sorrow tipped her words, and Beverly took her hand.

"I can't say what the other me was like, but I'd like to believe she'd be happy you made your way here to us even if she couldn't."

Jean-Luc added, "If the people we were in your universe cared about you even a tenth as much as we cared for the Tasha Yar we knew, we'd be overjoyed to know you'd come somewhere you'd be safe. You can stay here as long as you want. Your entire life, if you choose."

She looked between them, tears edging her eyes, pushed back by strength of will. "Thank you. Thank you both."

***

It took her another three days to work up the nerve. Tasha wasn't frightened of much, but she didn't want to risk hurting the closest person she had to a friend here. Curiosity burned inside her, though, and her memories of the end were too vivid to set aside when the players stood there in front of her, smiling at her and trying not to startle her.

They were in Beverly's quarters, sitting opposite each other on her couch. Getting away from Sickbay helped her recover, she'd convinced Beverly to believe, and they spent much of the latter's free time together.

"I wanted to ask, and feel free to tell me it's none of my business, but the Beverly I knew was named Beverly Howard. Here they call you Beverly Crusher. Why is that?"

"It's my married name."

Tasha glanced around her quarters suddenly. "Is there someone else here? I'm sorry if I've taken you away from your husband or wife all this time."

"Husband. He passed away quite some time ago."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pried."

"It's fine. It happened when our son was very little. Sometimes I think I would have gone back to using Howard if it hadn't been for Wesley."

Tasha blinked. "You have a son? You're joking."

Beverly grinned. "I'm not. I have learned not to talk people's ears off about him." She found a PADD and pulled up a few pictures, passing it over to Tasha. She flipped through, fascinated, as a tiny baby grew up in the course of a few photos.

"This is amazing."

"I'm pretty fond of him." She took the PADD back and set it aside. "I'll assume he didn't exist in your universe."

"Not that I know of. My Beverly never married." She hesitated, playing with the glass of warm milk she'd been handed. "She was with someone, but it was hard for humans to get a marriage license in a lot of sectors, and many didn't bother."

"His name wasn't Jack by chance?"

"No," Tasha said, and sipped her milk, staring at Beverly.

This universe's Beverly was no more a fool than hers had been. "Oh."

"I'm not going to ask you if things are the same here."

Beverly opened her mouth then closed it. Finally she said, "It's complicated."

"I understand. I've been through some complicated situations."

Seizing the chance to talk about something else, Beverly asked, "Was there someone back home?"

Tasha recalled the faces of her past lovers, a quick flash whose wake left her more wistful than sad. "No one serious. Not any longer. You and I never dated, if you were wondering."

"I try not to wonder who my alternate universe self might be dating. That seems even more complicated."

She considered telling Beverly the rest, about a contact Tasha had only known as "Reynard," an infrequent but welcome guest. He'd been with them on that last mission. Their ship had taken on heavy damage fleeing from the raid. During the last strike before they'd escaped, Beverly had been mortally injured by a collapsing bulkhead. She couldn't be extricated. Tasha remembered the panic, remembered her brain freezing in terror. They had to free her. That was all that mattered.

Seeing her come unglued, Reynard had taken charge, ushering the rest of the surviving crew into the tiny evacuation shuttle. Last, he forced Tasha to go, too. She would never forget the calm expression on his face as he'd nodded at her once she was inside, and shut the hatch from the other side, sealing himself on the doomed ship with the woman Tasha hadn't known for sure until that moment that he loved. The hailing frequencies had been left open, accidentally or not. Tasha had listened, they'd all listened, unable to help as the shuttle floated free of the ship. Beverly had screamed at him to get away, to get to safety. Tasha had listened as Reynard remarked, a bit dryly, that he'd considered his alternatives and with his options split between spending his last few minutes with Beverly, or a lifetime wishing he had, there was only one choice. The ship had blown in a fiery ball of light less than a minute later.

Tasha had spent a lot of sleepless nights since then wondering if she'd ever love someone that much, or if that kind of love could only ever end in fire and the cold of space.

She said only, here and now, "Some things turn out to be simpler than you thought when you look at them from another point of view." She took a long drink. "You really took your husband's last name?"

Beverly settled back, and her face was set in a memory. "Did you Beverly have a Nana Felisa?"

"Years before I met her."

"Nana didn't like Jack. She didn't want me running off with some Starfleet rascal," she said. "We had an argument before the wedding, and I decided at that moment to change my name."

"Now that does sound like the Beverly I knew. Contrary to the end."

"Is that what got me killed?"

"A Cardassian warhead into our ship's engine got you killed. What about me?"

"You were killed by a puddle of oil with a bad attitude."

She tried to imagine that and failed. She toasted Beverly with her cup. "Here's to second chances. May we do our lost sisters proud."

Beverly's cup touched the edge of hers. "May we appreciate living the lives they couldn't."

"And maybe," Tasha said, coming to a decision, "we should also appreciate the things they did get to enjoy." She set down her cup. "Let me tell you about her last day."

***

Beverly watched Tasha pack her few things. She owned only the clothes she'd come through the mirror with, and the clothes they'd given her since. Jean-Luc had given her a PADD filled with history books. "To help you catch up," he'd said. "Safe travels, Tasha, wherever your path leads you. You will always have a home here when you choose to come back."

Jean-Luc would miss her. Beverly would miss her even more. She hadn't been especially chummy with their universe's Tasha Yar. Of their set of friends, the others had forged far tighter ties to her. This Tasha, though, had become a close confidante in the few weeks she'd been aboard. She missed their Tasha idly. She would miss this one very much, for all that she felt sure they'd see each other again.

A wild thought occurred. "I'm due some leave. I could go with you. Show you around."

"I'd love that, but I think it's better if I travel alone for a while. You've been a perfect guide to start my path in this universe. I want to see the rest of it, and you have a place here. I don't have my place yet."

Beverly nodded, and took her into a hug. "Contact us if you need anything. And stay away from Romulans." She'd tried to explain Sela, but they all remained mystified how time could have shifted to allow her birth. Thanks to their intervention with the Shinzon situation, the Federation was enjoying a new-found alliance with Romulus, trading prisoners and signing treaties, but that didn't mean they were friends, and this would be a prime opportunity for their old adversary to make trouble.

"I will." She let go, and kept Beverly's hands. "I'm not staying away forever. I want to come back soon and tell you about everything I've seen."

"I can't wait." The happy look on Tasha's face eased her heart. Their Tasha was gone, and had been gone, and could never come back to them. This woman wasn't her, but it gave Beverly great joy to know that she would live and enjoy the life her first friend never had the chance to. Luck beyond hope had brought her here to them, despite everything Beverly believed about either. There was nothing to do but be grateful for all their second chances.

***

Tasha had never had the chance to visit Earth, not back in her universe. The Terran Empire had been overthrown before her birth, and its homeworld reduced to ashes. This Earth had gone through turbulent times, or so she'd read in the history books as she'd traveled here, but the blue and green jewel she saw growing as they approached looked like a garden. Her fingers rested on the window's surface, reaching out to hold it in her palm.

Starfleet did have questions for her, though not many. They'd debriefed the Klingon who'd found her. A Klingon! She hadn't been able to believe Beverly when she'd mentioned, nor that apparently he had been good friends with her counterpart.

This universe was a place of wonder.

After her own quick debriefing, Tasha took the opportunity to wander. San Francisco was a place from a fairy tale, home to an Empire she didn't remember. This city was green, and the air tasted of the sea, and she ate something cooked hot in front of her at a stall, and every experience amazed her as though she was a little girl set free in a magical land.

She walked through one of what seemed like a million parks, and sat in warm sunshine on a bench, and her heart dimmed. She'd lost so many friends over the years, first to famine and hard labor, then to the resistance. None of them had ever sat on a park bench enjoying a sunny day, and they never would.

Her throat filled with thick sorrow. As fine as it had been to make friends with this second Beverly, she'd never see her first friend again. She imagined sifting through a hundred trillion people to find copies of the people she'd loved, and perhaps that would be worth it to see the better lives they could have lived, and perhaps it would break her heart knowing the faces she saw were only shadows of the people who could have been there with her. It wasn't fair, and it wouldn't be fair. She'd been given everything, and the price was knowing the names of those who never would. For the first time since she'd arrived, for the first time in years before that, Tasha let wet tears fall down her face, mourning the days that never could have been.

At first, she didn't notice that the sun was dimmed just like her heart, her mind dismissing the shade as a cloud.

"Tasha?"

She didn't know the voice, and looked up. Just as she mourned her ghosts, she wore the face of someone who'd touched the lives of many people, and she could imagine very well their shock as they met her, one by one.

"Hi," she said, wiping away the wetness from her face. "Yes. And no. Tasha Yar, yes, but not the one you're thinking of."

The man was perhaps the same age as Captain Picard, but he wasn't like the well-fed, well-treated humans and others walking past. The lines on his face and the loose fit of his clothes said to her knowing eye that he'd spent a lot of his life holding the thin end of the stick. She knew that look, and knew that feeling.

She stood and held out her hand. He took it, clasping his other hand over hers with the same precious care with which she'd tried to hold the Earth.

"You don't know me," he said, "but I've spent the last thirty years waiting for this day, hoping I'd find you." He stammered, "I didn't even know where to start looking, and here you are. What are the odds? It's gotta be a million to one. More." He blinked in the light. "Sorry. I always wondered what I'd say to you. I should have practiced something better over the years."

His voice carried age, and a lifetime of sorrows that matched her own. His hands trembled holding hers. Whoever he was, he'd known her at a moment's glance. She'd have to break it to him that she was not the woman he thought she was, but as she watched his face, she wasn't sure that mattered to him now.

"Why don't you tell me about it?" Tasha said, and she helped him settle onto the bench, where he kept hold of her hand. She thought she ought to be worried, maybe even frightened of this stranger. Instead, she felt a peculiar kinship with him. "What's your name? How did you know Tasha?"

"Richard Castillo, and it's a long story."

She leaned back against the bench, feeling the good sunlight warm her bones. "It's nice to meet you, Richard Castillo. I've got time for a long story, and when you're done, I have one to tell you, too."


End file.
